An inner child or simpy a hobby!

There are those who enjoy the arts so much that they choose to make a life long career out of their own art. There are also those like myself who paint as a hobby, while I am not the best I am sure of that. People often wonder why do I paint such whimsicle things like the flower that I have recently painted. The answer is I dont know why I paint things as such, I just put my brush in the paint and get to it. I never really know what the end result is going to be because I never plan my art. I simply let my expressions flow through the brush onto the surface that I am painting. I dont always have a canvas so I recycle things that I have around the house. Some times Ill have an old cardboard box so I will cut it down and paint on it, infact the picture to the left was painted on cardboard. While I call this a hobby it is more, it is my form of expression. Whether I feel glum or happy or lovestruck, what ever I feel comes out in my art. While I do tend to paint whimsicle flowers no matter my mood, if you look at the colors you can tell my mood. The flowers often represent people, meaning myself or others, and you can tell this by the five petals. O occasion I do add the four petal flour and three leaves.

I have had it!

I have had it! I am tired of all these labels that we give people. For colored folks we have to call them African Amerincan. What is wrong with being call American, what does your skin color have to do with it. I AM NOT A RACIST PERSON; however people believe so because of my vew point. My view is this; It does not matter what the color of you skin is were your ancestors came from or even where you were born. White people don't call themselves Anglo American, so why does everyone need a label. If "All men created equal" then why don't we treat them as such. Why don't homosexual couples get family insurance? Well, it is because they are not allowed to be married, which I think is bull*#@^, because it is violating civil right to deny them that joy. While I do love my country, I think we still have a long way to go. This country is stuck in a bottomless pit of stupidity. While I am proud to say that we have come a ways, even as far to elect a black president, but it still should not have been that big of a deal. He is simply a man runing our country doing the best he can, and trying to get us out of the rut that we are in. Somedays I dont't want to leave home and face the stupidity of people, it sucks.

The cruelty of children never leaves!

As your growing up, sometimes you teased. So you go home tell your parents, they say "it'll all get better when your adults". WHAT A LIE. People are still just as adolesent and cruel as they are when they are children. The only difference is these people now have money to fund their cruel pranks. I have seen children make fun of their peers, and as a child they have not learned when teasing becomes harassment. As an adult there is a certain expectation that you know this, yet still some people are either too ignorant or just plain cruel to realize what they do. As child I did get teased like many other peers of mine. Unlike the other peers, I was unafraid of fighting back and got in quite a bit of trouble for fighting, but I didn't the trouble I just wanted the person who teasing feel just as bad as they made me feel. Then as I grew up such harsh no longer hurt because I realized It doesn't matter what the opinion one person was. The only opinion that truely mattered was my own. So people stoped teasing me and started at someone else; I was raised to protect those who could not protect themselves, so now I was getting introuble again for protecting someone. As the times pass children stop using words to hurt their peers they start thinking of new ways to hurt them, like pranks and hitting. So the closer they get to adulthood the crueler the words pranks and other devices they use to hurt become. Why is it man kind can't find a way to be at peace even at peacable times. When we are not at war we are in some fighting ourselves in our own country. We seek to destroy ourselves and I honestly know not why we do this. We the compacity for self controll yet we do not use it.

All the pretty stupid people

There are a lot of dumb people. As an American I had compulsary education until I was 17, this is actually a good thing believe it or not. Now a days you cant even get a job without a lovely highschool Diploma. So by the time you turn most people just figure "Well I have made it this far, whats wrong with one more year". Now there are those, who think that there is no need for education and that ingnorance is bliss. Well here is a message, ignorance is anything but bliss. Stupid is a cruel word, but what else can I call someone who has given up without even trying. Life is just one big ass pool, if you dont step out into the water you will never adjust to the tempurature. Therefore you never truely live without knowing what could have been.

Finding that Person!

Finding people online can be risky, but since when life is it fun to play it safe. Now there are preditars that you must be careful and watch for, but what about all those who aren't like that. Now for those of us who do take the chance and get lucky enough to find someone, it is still just as scary as meeting them on the street. You know that happenstance kinda meeting, like a guy bumping into a girl and her books or things fall on the ground. They for some unknown reason have instint chemistry, it is the same online. You meet someone in a chating room or a dating site even, let the person get to know you. Then you find yourself wondering, if this is worth dating, and then wondering "why do I want to date this person, I just met them online" Then for some reason you start, why you feel so strongly about person you've never met in person.
I think that meeting people online is very similar to actual meetings outside of cyberspace, It is just expanded instead of stiking one small area, you see the world. Maybe one day you could find that one person that perfectly compadable with, and fall in love. Should it matter where you met? I say no, it only matters that met! "Love may be infinate, but it is hard to find." quote by Courtney

Those rainy days!

Have you ever had one of those days...You know, those days when it's raining and all things seem sadning. You reminice about an old special someone, and wonder it could have been like had things not ended. Those days that seem to be the longest.

I miss the water the oceans and Such!

I truely do miss such things as water. Living in a desert, there is a certain lacking in moisture. Too little rain, and too far from any large bodies of water. I miss being able to reach a beach in a few hours. Now the nearest beach is 8 hours away and out of the country.
What I wouldn't give for a little lake to call my own.

The news is just depressing!

I don't watch the news anymore, because I have decided that it is depressing. I don't want to hear how terrible the human race is and how good we are at self destruction. I already know that so thankyou for the helpfull reminders. I truely hate that we have to hear of all the celebs and what they are doing every second of the day. It is non of our business. Honestly would you want someone to follow you around 24/7 with a camera? We have other pressing matters, such as how are we going to get out of the economic slump that we are in. Had the Government been paying any attention this could have been avoided starting 50 years ago. We as a human race bring sarrow and dispare to ourselfs than any thing nature could do to us. While we may have our natural disasters, we destroy everthing we build, rebuild and then destroy it again. My country the US was built to help us find freedom and seek redemtion, and now we are in finacial ruin due to dept, and taxes. 1/3 of our pay is taken from us. While taxes are good other wise the actual governement oficials that we elect, our teachers, and nonprofic organization would never be able to exist, but when the taxes that are being removed cause us to go to ruins...Who is going to say enough is enough? On top of that another third is removed for health car so lets say you make 60,000 a year. Okay, remove 2/3 for health care and for taxes and you are left with 20,000. Now divide that up into 12 and then you have the amount that you make in a month. $1666.67. Now remove a grand for bills like electricity, water, cable, internet, and maybe a loan. You are now left with 666.67 roughly. An average person takes about fivhundred a month alone for groceries, and an average family goes twice that now take single mom or dad with this salery and like many with the same billing problems and and add two children that spells finacial ruin. It is as if we have been set up to fail with insurmountable odds. How are we supposed to get out of dept if we are not allowed the opportunity?

To find love...Is it possible?

I often wonder is it even possible if I will ever find love. That thing in which is dreamed of from childhood. You know, the very same thing movies have shown since their invention. It is hard to explain because each person describes it differently. At the same time it is indiscribable, because it is so wonderful. I think love is possible, but a much larger question is, "Is true Love possible?". It is actually very easy to find love, where you are so compatible with a person, and they can still make you angry but in the same second make you laugh. What happens when you leave that love? It does not conquere all, and that person finds someone else to love. How do you find love when there is no one to love. When you live in a barren place full of insensitive people and desensitised children. How are you expected to find love and have a happy productive family? Are you forced to find your love on the internet where more dangers lie than solutions to your problem? I do not know the answers to these questions, but I honestly do wish I did. I guess the answer could be as obvious as a simple yes I am forced to the internet. There have been people who have found their significant other online. I am not apossed, just simply wiery. How else am I to find love, there are dangers even outside of the internet so I guess I will be forced to face them like I do in my normal everyday search.

Beautiful Music, Beautiful life, and Food!

Whether it be a lullaby or a simple tune that you made up, Music is always beautiful. I my self am a musician, and I take pride in this fact. I sing and have done so all my life, but I also play three instuments; the flute, the piccolo, and the piano. I know deep down that I will never tire of such beautiful melodies and harmonies. Imagine the one thing that can lift your heart to soar. I did not choose this as my profesion, instead I chose my second passion, one that for most women is a guilty one. I love food, there is something about the aromatics and the flavor of many different foods. While standing in a 120 degree kitchen isn't ideal it is the outcome that matters. I was fortunate enough to find my first job at a four star restuarant. I still have this job and have had it for little over a year. I may not have an official title but it is okay with me. I love what I do. I make the desserts, such as the flourless, the cheesecake in which that is simply to die for, and the heart stopping pots de creme. Now for a diabetic this isn't something you can enjoy but when I finish these, a chorus just shouts to the rafters in my mind alleluia, with all the different harmonies. Something so perfect and beautiful. I thank God everyday that I lead the life that I do, though somedays there are my difficulties and those days do suck ass; but most days are wonderfull and are a blessing to lead. I am happy that I live in the country that I do, with so many options, I am glad to have family and friends, but most importantly I am glad to be. I personally hope to live a long happy life, because life is just too much fun to sit around an do nothing. I say go out side and dance in the rain, play with your pet, go to a party, do something to stay active because once you stop moving go start aging faster. Actually you dont age faster it just seems faster because you have missed what that part of you life could have been. I may be young, but I know that I am wise beyond them because of the difficult life that I have led. So I know exactly how blessed I am to live the life I do now. I have no regrets, because I know I would not be the person I am today with out my humanly mistakes and mishaps in the passed. Be thankfull for what you do have. work for what you don't, and don't forget to live and have fun; happyness cures all.

The trial that makes us unique!

A Trial of life presents itself everyday, and each person must overcome, whether it be large or small. For each person the test varies. Some must endure life changes, while others must simply make a change in the brand of tooth paste they use.
I have seen many people with problems from home problems to drug problems. I can't help but imagind exactly how hard it must be to overcome such a problem. I myself have had to overcome a great deal in my little existance and some how I remain. To make my point, each person breaths yet we each do so differently. Each problems that we face varies, because we are so different but are equaly difficult to each individual. So why do we fight so hard to be different when we are all so obviously unique from each other.